Having devoted my last 6 years to taking care of my girls, Iβve had a lot to juggle with. Not only day to day activities but what went on in my mind. Being a full-time mom really didnβt feel like I was the breadwinner at all. I went to UCLA and got my MBA and I was a stressed stay at home mom. I felt like I didnβt want to start anything for myself because if I did, I wouldnβt be able to give it my all and what is worse than half trying and not being fully present for my family?
I never knew depleted mother syndrome was a thing but it definitely described a lot of what I was feeling as a mom. A feeling of emotional, mental and physical exhaustion, not feeling yourself, and the lack of respect and fulfillment because of child care needs. Mom burnout is so real and a stressful feeling of no end or help in sight.
I love my kids SO much. I just always feel so defeated and tired. If you also feel this way, you are not alone.
Itβs a constant struggle for me to be present for Whitney and Erin and myself. For the sake of my sanity, Iβve been more of finishing what I can and setting the mindset that I need to just do what I can when I can. Iβve learned to put a lot off until the kids go to bed and yes, that means less sleep for me but if it wasnβt so important to get done right then and there, it was something that could wait.
As time goes on, Iβve come to accept my SAHM status and to grow more confident and proud of myself. And you should also be proud of yourself too. Itβs really not an easy thing to do. Iβm trying my best and given my situation, I am happy and lucky I get to watch the girls grow up. I know the girls wonβt always ask me to play or ask for my help. The time I have with them at this stage in their lives is limited, priceless, and really so precious. I frequently find myself trying to savor and enjoy the terrible twos of my younger one, knowing that she is my last. I guess since I changed my mindset of her firstβs also being my last’s, a mixture of sadness and appreciation took over.
What also has helped is understanding that making time for one self is crucial. Even if it is just 30 minutes, 10 minutes, a peaceful uninterrupted bathroom break, if you arenβt taking care of yourself first, thereβs no way you would be able to take care of everyone else.
Other things to help mitigate the stressful days:
- Exercise or go for a walk
- Skip cooking a meal or two and order take outΒ
- Plan vacations (itβs great to have other things to look forward to)Β
- Limit your own screen time
- Go out and grab a coffee or tea
- Make friends with another mom or dadΒ
- See if grandparents or significant others can help out
- Surround yourself with positive, understanding, helpful people
Donβt forget that just because you feel these things doesnβt mean youβre a bad person or a bad parent. Itβs a good step towards telling yourself to slow down, to savor the good and challenging moments but also to take care of yourself. Thereβs no handbook to parenthood, but trying and doing is already a success in itself. We have the toughest but best job, one that is of life-skills teaching, resiliency, confidence building and instilling honesty, kindness into the future, our children.
